Lesson 8: Reciprocation

It is so wonderful to receive things.  Love, affection, thoughtful gifts, dinner when you get home from work, sensual touching, the list goes on.  It is OK to enjoy these things.  It is OK to accept them.  Even rude not to in many cases.  Just make sure you are paying attention and that you are equally giving back.  There needs to be balance.  Give and take have to be close enough to not create any sense of unfairness.  The last thing you want is for your significant other to think or believe they are being taken advantage of.

It is unreasonable to expect and accept without giving back.  Like communication, reciprocation goes both ways.  It has to.  This one should be among the most obvious.  It makes sense, doesn’t it?  So many actions require reciprocation in order for there to be any value.  Hugs are pleasant, but it is the return hug that turns it into a shared experience.  A kiss is good, but it is so much better when the kiss is returned.  Like Newton’s Third Law of Physics, every action has to have an equal and opposite reaction.  Unlike with physics, this law is not immediate.  It may take time, but eventually, the balance will come.    

The bedroom.  The place where reciprocation can be the most crucial.  They deserve to be happy and enjoy the experience too.  No one should ever walk out of the bedroom upset or disappointed.  To allow the other to leave the room without shared satisfaction is to demonstrate that their feelings and happiness are not nearly as important as yours.  In many cases, this is also where the lack of balance can cause the most damage.  Sensual experiences are as intimate as a relationship can get.  Failure in this area has the greatest negative impact on the relationship as a whole.  Don’t let them leave the room dissatisfied.  Do what it takes.  

This rule is all about balance.  Like any scientific or mathematical equation, love requires balance.  Without balance, it is impossible for the structure to last.  Sure, maybe it will be able to stand longer than you or others might expect, but without balance, without reciprocation of generosity and love, compassion and truth, failure is inevitable.  That failure can come in different forms.  Domestic abuse, violence, legal intervention, and relationship trouble or termination are among the most common results.

I would love to sit here and tell you it is never too late, but that would not be an accurate statement.  Not in this case.  While there are no time limits or time rules, the longer you wait, the more likely it is the structure will fail.  I am a firm believer that anything is possible and no matter how bad things get, there is the potential that they can be fixed.  Unfortunately, that also includes the possibility that you wait too long and a point of no return is reached.  Receiving is a great feeling, but giving is too.  Maintain the balance.  Reciprocate, and the structure of love will remain standing and strong.


  1. Balance
  2. Don’t be selfish
  3. Don’t let them leave the room dissatisfied
  4. Do whatever it takes (within reason)
  5. Don’t wait until it’s too late

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