Lesson 26: Relationships are not a power struggle

Relationships should be healthy and fun.  They should be fantastic and exciting.  They are the goal of most people in life.  They can be in your control, their control, or at the mercy of fate and circumstance.  Most importantly, they are very delicate.  Even the strongest and most committed relationship can be undone by seemingly insignificant circumstances.  It is up to you and your partner to ensure that you work together to maintain the strength of your relationship.  One of you may think you’re in charge, but that is not the way a strong and healthy relationship functions.  

Like working out in the gym to strengthen your body, or reading a book to strengthen your mind, relationships are in constant need of maintenance and strengthening.  You have to do the things necessary that maintain the proper balances.  It is a team effort.  It is ok to take control from time to time but it is a power that needs to be treated with respect.  Having power doesn’t mean you can’t exercise a delicate nature from time to time.  It also doesn’t mean that power belongs to either one of you.  If choices are not agreed upon, the descent begins.  Just because they go along with what you say, doesn’t make you right or the conditions desirable.  Ask.  Get input.  Communicate.

Much like the three times in a relationship, this is one of those things that requires an equitable balance.  A relationship is a shared experience.  A shared experience calls for shared input and control.  Decisions should be unanimous.  Communication needs to take place and it needs to flow both ways.  Just because you are at the helm of the ship, doesn’t mean you should stop listening to the other person (people) that keep the ship afloat and functioning.  Otherwise, it isn’t much of a relationship.  Relationships are difficult enough without adding a struggle for power into the mix.  It may seem political, but it isn’t.

It doesn’t matter if you are the breadwinner.  It doesn’t matter if you are the homemaker.  It is not about who does more chores or pays more bills.  It is about balance and consensus.  You are not a military unit storming a beach that is in need of a solid and unbreakable chain of command.  Relationships do not need a captain or CEO.  They need love and balance.  They thrive on equal input and love.  If you are looking to be the boss, perhaps you should start a company or work hard to get promoted within one.  Relationships are not the place for a dictatorship.  It is not about who does more or who does less.  It is about doing everything in your power to ensure your relationship is as strong and healthy as possible.

If you are going to be in a position where someone has to take the lead, make sure that it is discussed.  It doesn’t even have to be a detailed or lengthy discussion.  It just needs to be made clear who is taking the lead and why.  There will always be situations that you are better suited to handle and the same thing goes for them.  There is nothing wrong or shameful about admitting that the other person might have a better understanding or way of dealing with certain things.  Work together.  Trust each other.  One of the biggest reasons to be in a relationship is so you don’t have to do everything on your own.


  1. Relationships are very delicate.
  2. You are both in charge of the relationship.
  3. Communication needs to flow both ways.
  4. Don’t be afraid to let someone else take the lead.
  5. You don’t have to do everything on your own.


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