Lesson 44: There are many different roads to love and happiness

The only right way in a relationship is the way that works for you and your significant other.  Relationships are too diverse for anyone to possibly develop a one size fits all method for how yours should be.  There are many important things to focus on in any relationship.  No two are the same.  How it begins and how it ends will always be up to you and the person you are with.  The same thing applies to your different (non romantic) relationships.  Different friends serve different functions and that is perfectly ok and even normal.  You have certain interests that connect you with one person and likely different interests that connect you with another.

This diversity is what keeps life interesting and progressing.  Diversity is healthy.  It is nice to share different experiences with different people.  Perhaps you are in love with someone who is not a fan of video games.  That is ok.  You don’t have to have all the same hobbies and interests as your significant other.  In fact, it is pretty rare if you do and if that is the case, more power to you.  It is nice to shake things up a bit and the same goes for them as well.  It also gives you something different to talk about over your next meal together.  It is important that you keep the communication flowing in order to minimize confusion and maximize the connection.

This also ties in with respecting the three times in a relationship.  Sometimes, we need a break from routine.  Some can go longer without that break than others.  It is not a competition and no one is better or worse based on their own individual needs.  These breaks allow you the perspective you need to make adjustments if needed, or to continue along the same path.  It is good to see how others are doing and to learn different ways of finding happiness, but you need to remember that what works for others won’t necessarily work for you.  It may be a similar path, but that doesn’t make it the same and that is OK.  

Another lesson this is related to is not judging your relationships by the standards of others, but the difference here is that I am including your own past relationships as well.  There may have been things about previous relationships that you loved and miss, but it is important to remember that the past needs to stay in the past.  Relationships are ever evolving and it is important that you are able to adapt to the changes.  Things that worked with a past significant other may not work with the current.  That is ok.  The only constant in life is change.

Relationships fail for a wide range of reasons.  Just because the reasons may seem the same, doesn’t make it so.  You are not the only one that is different in the relationship.  They are as well.  Even if it is a second chance with an ex, you are both on an entirely new path and whether or not this is the one that leads to happiness is entirely up to you.  In your past relationship with an ex, you didn’t have something you have now.  The knowledge that it didn’t work, and hopefully, the reason why.  With that in mind, you are both on an entirely new path and, bearing that in mind, you have just as much a chance this time around, if not more so, than you did before.

This is also one of the greatest adventures when it comes to relationships.  You are never going to know everything that could happen.  The moment you get complacent, you stop seeing all the possibilities.  The relationship will become stagnant and more boring every day that the complacency continues.  When you think you know all the answers, you are not only giving up on the adventure, you are blinding yourself to the fact that you can’t possibly have all the answers.  The biggest problem is a lot of those possibilities involve failure.  It is not always easy to see or predict failure, but if you aren’t paying attention, you will miss the lessons to be learned.  The heartbreak will sting more and you won’t understand why.

That doesn’t mean your path to happiness is over.  Heartbreak is a part of life.  It helps to put the things we love and want in our lives into better perspective.  Your different paths will show you how to better appreciate the good times and to look back upon the bad times in a less negative light.  Pain is inevitable on any path to happiness.  Don’t ever let anyone fool you into believing that there is such a thing as the perfect route.  The only perfect route that exists is the one that you are on, but it will never be perfect.  It will be your path and it will always be what you make of it.  Make it into the happiest route you can and nothing else will matter.

Takeaways:

  1. There is no one size fits all way to conduct your relationship.
  2. No one knows a better path for you than you.
  3. Every relationship is its own adventure.
  4. Beware of relationship complacency.
  5. Your paths will always be what you make of them.

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