Lesson 52: Making them cry is one of the worst things you can do

Unless they are tears of joy, this is one of the worst relationship crimes you can commit.  It doesn’t matter if you are male or female, gay or straight, black, white, brown, tan, or any other personal identifier you choose or feel labeled with.  A broken heart does not discriminate.  I am not saying that it is not OK to cry.  I am talking about your words and your actions.  Your sense of right and wrong.  I am talking about not being ethically or morally absent.  Whether you love someone or not, nothing gives you the right to emotionally attack anyone.

Physical pain is unwelcome in most cases, but so is emotional.  There is nothing good or worthwhile to be gained by putting someone into a position of emotional discomfort or distress.  Any satisfaction gained from either means you likely have an issue that goes beyond relationship trouble.  I advise you to speak to someone about it if that is the case.  It doesn’t have to be a professional, but you should definitely talk to someone.  There is nothing OK or acceptable about it.  Free will and the freedom of choice does not give you the right to be a physical or emotional bully.  It doesn’t matter if it is online or in person.  Wreaking emotional havoc makes you nothing more than an inconsiderate jerk.  

I try my best to live my life with no regrets but no one is exempt or immune to making mistakes.  This is one of the biggest regrets I have had in any relationship I was ever in.  It doesn’t matter if it was deliberate or by accident.  The damage is almost always the same.  A broken heart is a broken heart and what is said or done can’t ever be taken back.  There is no apology, no present, and no easy road to recompense.  The only way to counter this is to never allow it to happen in the first place.  Once the damage is done, you can spend a lifetime trying to make up for it.  Know that no matter what you do, that occurrence will always be there, sitting in your past, unable to fully go away.  

It is easy to overlook how much pain is inflicted when it comes to emotions because it doesn’t typically leave a mark.  There isn’t any accurate way to measure and not everyone is impacted in the same ways by the same things.  What is the value that you place on being a good person?  What do you think makes you a decent human being?  Have you ever asked yourself those questions?  The answers are entirely up to you, but not only up to you.  Empathy and understanding can teach us that just because we think something is right, doesn’t necessarily make it so.  You don’t get to decide whether or not you are a good person.  Others will pass that judgement.  The only control you have is over what you do.

This is why I consider it important to do as much of your communication as possible in a face to face setting.  You can see what is going on and you can react more quickly and with greater effect.  It is easier to see the impact on the other person and if it is a miscommunication then you can fix it with greater effect.  It is also much easier to tell if you have taken it too far or have gone in a direction that might have not been your intention.  Their physical reactions can serve as a nonverbal indicator of emotional distress.  Then comes the most important moment.  What are you going to do about it?  Are you going to let it go?  Continue down the path of emotional terrorist?  Or are you going to choose to be a decent human being and do the right thing?  The interpretation is up to them.  The choice of what to do is up to you.

Takeaways:

  1. A broken heart knows no discrimination.
  2. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be and how to be that person.
  3. Emotional pain is difficult to see because it doesn’t typically leave a mark.
  4. Whether or not you are a good person is determined by others.
  5. When people are at their most vulnerable is the time to decide how you will act.

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