I had so many plans.  So many dreams.  They were supposed to be a crucial part of all of them.  Without them, the plans will so easily fade away.  These plans were all well and good, but they lacked the most critical component, timing.  In the rare instances where hopes and dreams are gifted by luck and happenstance, then I say embrace the blessing.

Have you ever been told not to celebrate too early?  Envision the finish line, but don’t get too far ahead of yourself.  Planning the rest of your lives together is advisable, but losing sight of the present could completely negate even the most well-laid plans.  The love may very well be there, and the potential for a bright and wonderful future might seem inevitable, but just like constructing a building, plans require day to day attention.

What good is it to have the wedding, honeymoon, and a 20-year plan in place, if you neglect the day to day issues that will most likely come up.  You can spend all of your time fantasizing about the future, but what is the point if you stop paying attention to the present.  There is nothing wrong with a fantasy unless you let it overtake the reality.  You end up falling in love with what hasn’t happened yet, and the reality tends to suffer.

There is no set time on this.  Everyone has their limits.  These limits are based on whatever it is they want to base them on.  This isn’t a law or even a rule.  It is a guide.  Plan for the future, but don’t let that get in the way of living in the present.  Don’t allow yourself to be blinded to what is, by what isn’t.  Open your eyes and don’t let the wrong time and place distract you.

From the deepest, and most heartfelt argument, to the easiest of texts to show consideration and respect, communication is critical.  That doesn’t just go for romantic relationships.  That goes for any relationship.  Communication is just especially important in romantic relationships. 

Communication is how understandings are reached and expectations established and shared.  Understanding the importance, not just of what was said, but what was intended, or meant.  It is so easy to misunderstand or misinterpret messages and it is a quick way to an argument.  Arguments are so easy to avoid, in theory, but in the heat of the moment, poor communication, misunderstood and misinterpreted messages are the fastest way to a disagreement that can get verbally or even physically violent.  

Ask as many questions as you can or need, but be tactful.  Get clarification and ensure you actually understand what was said or intended.  When they ask you where you were, that isn’t just about where you physically were.  It is also about why you weren’t where they thought or were under the impression you would be.

Pay close attention to tone and body language as well.  Any seemingly innocent or inconsequential question could have the type of underlying meanings that are not so innocent or inconsequential at all.  The same statement or questions, spoken in different tones, can have two entirely different meanings.

Think about times when you were asked “How was work?”  Sometimes, you are actually being asked how your day was at the office, store, etc.  Pay close attention to how it was asked.  You of all people should be able to tell by a certain point when there is some distress in their voice.  Perhaps they are asking this question as a hint that you should ask them how their day was because it was miserable and they need to talk about it.

Treat communication as a pleasure rather than responsibility and things will go so much better.  Disagreements will happen no matter what.  No matter what, you are different people with different experiences and clashes are inevitable.  How you communicate will always determine the outcome of these clashes.

Everyone deserves a happily ever after.  No matter how tough, how cold, how emotional, everyone deserves to find the person that completes their heart.  Compliments their soul.  Brings out their best, and stands by their side at their worst.  You and I are no exception.  Somewhere out there is your special someone.  Your Prince Charming, your Cinderella, your other, better half.  Keep searching, and one day you will find them.  Maybe you already have.  Either way, I hope that what follows will help to ensure that happiness will always follow.

I am not here to tell you what to do.  You don’t need to be told.  I am no expert on relationships.  This is about showing you what I have learned.  Failure is life’s greatest teacher, but failure will always follow you if you don’t see and learn from your mistakes.  Most of your romantic relationships will fail.  It is a fact.  Most of mine have.  I am here to tell you, that is OK.  It is inevitable when you stop to think about it.  Only one relationship can be your forever and it takes time and a lot of failure and heartbreak to get there.  And if you are one of the lucky few who found their forever on the first shot, congratulations.  Good for you, however, you are missing one of life’s greatest lessons.  Heartbreak happens, life can become difficult, disappointment happens, but your ability to persist will make you stronger than you were before.

Do not mistake my meaning or intent.  Getting your heart broken sucks.  It is awful.  It feels like your world has shattered into a million pieces that can’t possibly be put back together.  They can’t.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t take those pieces and build something better.  Something different.  Something entirely new.  Lessons are learned.  Personal and emotional evolution takes place.  That is why I am here.  This isn’t about any one specific break up.  This is about them all.  What did I do wrong?  What did they do wrong?  What could have been done better?  What should I or they have done more?  Less?  

Some people may think these are dangerous questions.  I couldn’t disagree more.  These are the only questions.  Rather than looking at them as drowning in a sea of doubt and despair, look at them as guideposts along your path to becoming better.  Acknowledge your mistakes.  Identify theirs.  Come up with ways to change and improve.  If you ignore the problems, they will never get solved.  If you dwell on them, the same result.  Careful consideration.  Practical application.  If you think you don’t need to always get better, constantly improve, you have bigger problems than relationships.

This is about telling you my story.  What I have learned.  What I hope to do better.  What I want and need to do more or less of.  How I view the way I have behaved in relationships, but also, how I perceive what I was told by the person I was with.  At the end of the day, your opinion matters, but theirs does too.  If more than one person identifies an issue you have, it might be worth you looking into it.  That doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.  Far from it.  All it means is that more than one person is perceiving the same thing.  It isn’t an anomaly, it is an observation from multiple sources.  I am not telling you to believe the crowd.  You are responsible for what and how you interpret things.  The more open-minded you approach anything in life, especially relationships, the more likely you are to succeed, even if it isn’t today.

Whether you are currently in a relationship, in pursuit, or just trying to improve, I sincerely hope that what follows will guide you on a path towards living in a happy and healthy relationship.  Read it all at once, or one at a time.  However you learn and improve, I encourage you to embrace it.  You deserve to find that special someone, and they deserve to find you too.