How many times have you heard this one?  What does that even mean?  Leave work at work?  It sounds a bit cliche, I admit, but this is an issue that, no matter how well you think you have a handle on it, is always difficult to accomplish.  Emotions are difficult to control and even harder to forget or ignore.  There are a lot of different ways to go about this, but you have to find what works best for you.

I have found that having some kind of outlet between getting off work and getting home has worked in the past for me.  It creates a separation between work life and home life.  For me, it is going to the gym and spending time focusing on a task that is not frustrating to me.  Lifting weight takes a lot of concentration, focus, and physical exertion.  All of that built up energy gets put to good use while also taking your mind off of the office.

This accomplishes more than just feeling and looking better.  You get home and work isn’t so fresh on the mind.  You have had time to focus on something you like or enjoy and your mood is significantly improved.  Looking back on the workday is done with some time of reflection in between and you are more likely to not potentially download what might have been a bad day in a place that is meant for love, rest, and relaxation.

Rather than taking out your anger towards a difficult customer or colleague on your significant other, you throw that fuel into a few extra sets on the weight room floor.  Or maybe you spend an extra 10 to 15 minutes on the treadmill or elliptical machine.  Instead of allowing difficulties at work to spill over into your home life, put them to good, productive use at the gym, or in dance or karate class.  Anywhere but home.  Leave it anywhere else.  Don’t bring it home with you.

Technology is addictive.  You can say it isn’t all you want.  The only person you are lying to and fooling is yourself, which is another problem entirely.  It is also among the biggest distractions that can greatly hinder your relationship.  Every moment you spend on your phone is a moment that is not being spent with the person or people you care about most.  

That little dopamine hit you get when your phone goes off, whether it is someone sending you a text message or getting a like on something you posted on your Facebook or Instagram page or engaging in battle on Clash of Clans, will fade quickly.  You will probably jump on again shortly after to get another hit.  You keep doing it, but you are missing what it will likely cost in the long run.  Experiencing life.  Real physical and emotional connections with others.

How many times have you gone somewhere with someone and they spent enough time on their phone for you to notice?  You decided to go on a day trip somewhere really special.  Maybe it was the beach.  Maybe it was for a hike by a beautiful river or lake.  Maybe it was to go take a tour of a really cool castle.  It is understandable that you want to take pictures to commemorate the wonderful time you had there.  I even encourage that.  Try to minimize phone usage.  You aren’t fooling anyone and you are missing the moments that matter.  Spend too much time taking pictures in an effort to capture the memory and you will miss out on the actual making of the experience.

This goes for meals as well.  Put the phone away.  I understand that emergencies happen, but that is no reason that you can’t set your phones out of reach.  If it goes off, minimize contact.  Better yet, tell people in your life about specific times you will not be interacting with your phone.  During meals, work, sleep, etc.  That way, if they call, you know it is likely urgent.  Phones are great tools, but like all great tools, there are times and places that they are not appropriate or even helpful.  Pay less attention to the phone and more to the people around you.  I assure you, they are worth so much more than whatever is on your device.

Makes sense right?  Sounds easy?  Seems logical?  This is one of those things that falls under the category of “common sense is more uncommon than you think.”  As sensible, easy, and logical as this concept might seem, it is so much more integral to a relationship than you might first believe.  It is another one of those things that can either work well in your favor or build-up to the relationship’s demise.  

It is about so much more than giving them the material things they want or taking them to the events they want to attend.  This is one of the areas where your true commitment and devotion to the relationship are being tested.  How much attention have you been paying?  Are you listening to what they say or carefully observing the things they do?  Attention to detail is more important than you might think.  Momentary distractions that seem inconsequential, like spending too much time on your phone, watching the TV, or even listening to something else while they are talking, can spell disaster.  

All of a sudden, strategy and compassion become close teammates.  Put them together and you will find that things start to work out in your favor.  Subtle comments and behaviors are easy to miss.  The statement “that’s pretty” or “wow look at that” can mean so much more than “I want you to see this too.”  It is an opportunity.  Maybe not at that very moment, but buying that as a gift at a later date, or even talking about it at a later time, you demonstrate that you were paying attention.  It is important to show them that the things they like are important.  They are important enough to make the things they like or care about important to you as well.

There is no shame in writing things down.  Life is difficult and unpredictable.  Things happen.  Maybe you were paying attention but then things happen that cause you to forget.  A missed opportunity, even on accident, is still a missed opportunity.  It is easy to get overwhelmed and forget.  Writing things down not only helps you remember the places and things, but it also helps to reinforce how important they are to you.  Take the time and make the effort.  Taking 30 seconds to write something down is a small price to pay for the continued happiness of the person you love.

This is probably one of the hardest things to do in any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  Emotions are running wild, chemical levels in your body are all over the place and completely out of control.  Ego steps in.  Or maybe it is pride.  You want to strike back and you even get that feeling like what you are about to say is going to put them in their place and establish your dominion in the land of “I am right.”  

Let me tell you something about the land of “I am right.”  It is also the land of the alone.  The land of the jerk.  The land of the one not getting anywhere in that relationship.  Potentially, even the land of the “This relationship is over.”  Arguing without any kind of calm or control is a great way to get the person you are arguing with to resent or despise you.  If that is where you want to be or where you feel comfortable, then, by all means, fire those opinions away.  

The satisfaction you will get from being right is momentary.  The damage to the relationship is long term.  My recommendation, walk away, tactfully, and cool off.  Not only does it help you collect your thoughts, but it also allows you to approach the situation in a much calmer and more collected mind.  It becomes a conversation, rather than an argument.  Arguments tend to have a winner and a loser.  Conversations can be won by both.

I am not saying that it is a conversation that needs to be, or should be, avoided.  Quite the contrary.  If it gets to the point where emotions are starting to come out in a negative way, it is most definitely a conversation that needs to take place.  That doesn’t mean it has to take place at that moment.  There probably isn’t a worse moment you could try communicating about the problem.  Tell them that you need to step away and tell them why.  You would be surprised at the results.  The heat begins to cool immediately.  Let them know that this needs to be discussed but not right then.

Like anything, this is not a guarantee that everything will be OK.  Walking away shows a level of emotional maturity where words can’t.  It demonstrates that you care enough about them and the issue to want to take a step back and put some real thought into the matter.  Once emotions and tempers ease, it is much easier to reapproach the situation and have a productive conversation.  Problems are so much easier to solve when you work together on them.

It is important to admit when you’re wrong.  Showing fallibility is a strength, not a weakness.  No one is perfect.  There is a sense of integrity and trustworthiness that is associated with a person that can be honest enough to admit errors.  That being said, the words “I’m sorry” don’t always have the power to fix whatever mistake was made.

You can’t unsay or undo what has already been said or done.  No matter how honorable or noble you are and no matter what the circumstances, everyone has their own personal standards.  The lines that they have personally determined cannot be crossed if relations with them are going to continue.  Perhaps, so long as you are willing to admit your fault, it can be worked out.  But it is not usually forgotten.  It may fade, over time, but it will always be there.

There is no easy fix.  Similar to being unable to buy forgiveness, there comes a point when enough becomes enough.  Words are our most valuable resource, but they are only as valuable as the people using them determine.  If you keep making the same promise, but never deliver, your promises lose their value.  The same goes for saying “I’m sorry” too many times.  If you keep apologizing, especially if it is for the same thing, what value do you think gets placed on your apology?

Say the words too often, the words lose the little healing power they possess.  While capable of fixing minor infractions, they add up.  Eventually, the power wears off.  The words get drowned out by how many times they have been used.  It eventually becomes unclear whether you actually mean it, or use it as a crutch for flaws that you know you have but are incapable or unwilling to fix.  They become irrelevant when the person receiving the apology loses faith in the value of the words and the source they are coming from.

This isn’t just about apologizing.  This can be anything.  Waiting too long to apologize.  Waiting too long to carry out a promise that was made.  Putting off doing that thing you said you would do.  Before you know it, tomorrow has arrived, but the time to execute has already passed.  Just because you are willing at that moment, doesn’t mean the right moment hasn’t already come and gone.  Time can never be recovered and what is done is done.  There are no take-backs and do-overs will always carry the weight of previously missed opportunities.  

You can always apologize afterward, but it doesn’t matter.  Even if you come up with the best phrase or best solution of all time.  It isn’t worth much if you are too late.  Once the damage is done, in most cases, that is it.  Timing matters and that timing is not always, if ever, up to you, or on your side.  Don’t wait.  Short of an emergency, there is no reason to not do that thing you said right now.  They decide when enough is enough.  It isn’t up to you.  They determine whether or not your efforts are too late or you took too long to realize you missed the opportunity.  Once that opportunity is missed, nothing else matters.   

You can have a life-altering epiphany.  One that will change your entire outlook on how you want to treat your significant other.  Maybe you see that you have not been sensitive or compassionate enough.  Maybe you realize that you have something spectacular but have never really shown your appreciation or gratitude.  You decide that enough is enough and you are going to do something about it.  Something for them.  Something that will show them what they mean to you.  Come morning, they will know an entirely different, much better, more desirable relationship experience.   It all counts for nothing if it comes after the decision has been made that things need to end.  

Think of your relationship and timing as glass and missed timing is that glass being dropped.  Once the glass is broken, it can never be completely fixed.  Sure, you can put the pieces back together, but does it ever really look, feel, or function the same after that?  The best tools can’t undo the damage that is already done and will forever remain.  Timing is critical.  Don’t wait to show them how special they truly are.  They chose you.  Make it count for something every day.  Show them they are worth the effort of being vigilant every day.  Pay attention to everything, big and small.  The signs are there, but they are not always so easy to notice.